Fuck it all...

Hey bloggers,

I'm pretty determined that I'm going to be the worst mom on the face of the planet. I can't do anything right and if I wasn't pregnant there wouldn't be too much stopping me from just offing myself. The guy I'm in love with called me a whore and I guess he's right. I'm fucking knocked up at 18, I have nothing to offer my soon to be daughter. I don't deserve her, I wish that I would honestly just die I can't stand knowing that my daughter is going to grow up hearing a lot of rumors that her mother is a whore and she'll prob end up a teenage mom just like me. I can't seem to get anything fucking right. I wish things were different but nothing will ever change. I can't do a damn thing right and my daughter will end up hating me. I shouldn't deserve to be pregnant or bring a child into the world. I'm sure Tim is going to leave me, the only reason it seems like he wants to get married is because he doesn't want a "bastard child" as he so lovingly put it. So everyone knows that won't last. It never does. I wish something would just go right for once and I didn't feel like a piece of shit for just one day. That one day would make everything worth it.


~~~Hailey

FML...

hey bloggers,

I don't know what to do anymore, I feel useless all the time. I never do anything right and it seems like my life is just meaning-less. I don't have anyone to talk to anymore and everytime I try to talk to Tim it turns into a fight. Honestly if it weren't for this baby I wouldn't have a reason to get out of bed in the morning, I don't care about work all I want to do is sleep. I hate feeling like this but it's like no matter what I do I'm just a bitch or something stupid like that. He keeps talking about leaving and just paying child support. Maybe he should, I mean I love him but it's like he doesn't love me anymore. He doesn't care, chances are he doesn't even want to be apart of this baby's life. Fuck it all, I might do good as a single mom. My mom did it and I'm not too messed up. I'm tired of always being the bad guy. Just fuck it all I love him too much and that's why I'm going to get hurt in the end LIKE ALWAYS.


Lots of Love

~~~Hailey

Single mom??

Hey bloggers,

I'm about 99% sure that I will end up a single mom. I mean what did I expect, I'm not good enough for anyone to stay with long. I mean I can't expect anything from any man. My dad left me so why would I expect for my babys dad to stay? If I'm such a "shytty ass girlfriend" as you say. I mean like I guess I just have to suck it up and wait untill it happens.
I love him, but I guess that isn't enough.


~Hailey

I just want to cry...

Hey bloggers,


I just wanna cry. I wake up from a nightmare in which tim left me and when i wake up he's gone... what else is new everyone else left why did i expect any different from him??


~~HAiley

I can't do it...

Hey blogger,


I'm losing my mind. I have a baby on the way and I'm not ready not by a long shot. Not to mention my bf is going through so much and as much as I want to understand I can't. Like I mean I'm pretty certain he'll leave. Hell my dad did I don't expect much of any man. I know I love him but I have no expectations, I can't get let down that way. My mom did it and I turned out just fine...well...
I mean I just want to like believe he'll step up but right now I have to be a support group. I'm more than that though, I'm also a loving fiancee, a soon to be mother, and a best friend. I am more than just a support group, but right now that is all I'm treated as. I can't even be happy about my baby because of everything that is going on. I mean when do I get to be happy? When he finally is? I can't wait that long. Even if I do it alone I have to prepare for this child and I can't think about myself anymore. It's not about me, it's not about him, it is only about this baby. Everyone needs to accept that, but sadly I'm the only one that gets that.
Well I guess that's all for tonight bloggers

~~Lots of Love
--Hailey

People Are Fucking Crazy.....

Hey bloggers,

People really are crazy as fuck. I mean what kind of world is this when children get taken out of good homes, families get broken apart. I mean it really is sad, I hate to see this happen to anyone and unfortunatly it's happening right in front of my eyes. It's rediculous that all of this shyt is happening I mean I really hope that some good would happen to this family and this woman rots in the darkest part of hell.



~~~Lots of Love
--HaILEY

How is it my fault?

Hey bloggers,

I just don't see how everything always ends up being my fault. You're the one who did it but I always take the blame. It's not my fault you're a theif and robbed your baby sister and her fiancee, ust to support your habit. And mommy dearest I didn't make him homeless you guys did so don't you dare try to make me feel bad for it. I love you all, and I never wanted it to end this way. I really am sorry.


~~Lots of Love
--Hailey

I know I'm right. I just don't want to be.

Hey Bloggers,

You know it's weird, i know that he might think he loves me but every day I doubt that it's true.
Nothing that he does makes me think that all of his promises are true. Just the way he ignores me or the way he snaps at me when I don't do something the way he likes it. I don't know it just seems like I become more and more alone. With every passing day it seems like we're growing more and more apart.
I know that i lvoe him with all my heart and it hurts imagining life with out him. But in the end I know it's going to be like that. Something in my gut just tells me I'll end up alone.
Guess this is all I have to say bloggers ttyl

~~Lots of Love
-Hailey

UGH

hey bloggers,
i just love that everyone gets to go out and i get stuck at home. maybe i shouldnt have quit smoking . im too stressed out and just idk... FUCK it! idk i guess i dont have much to sat today bloggers, ill ttyl

~~~Lots of Love
--Hailey

June 30th 2011

Hey Bloggers,

I don't know what life will have in store for me when I graduate. I mean in a way my whole life will change. I'm getting married, hopefully finding a job, house, and can start a family. I just don't know if everything will work out like it is supposed to. *knock on wood* Like I don't really know where my journey will end but I do know that I love Tim and I don't want a life without him. I don't really know how to explain the feelings I have for him its weird. I haven't felt liek that in a long time, well basically ever, I thought that I knew but obviously I didn't have any idea as to what love was. I know no one will ever actually read this but it's nice to just let it out every now and then. I guess this is it for today blog.


~~~Lots of Love
-Hailey

it all changed

Hey there blog,
Everything has changed since the last time i was on here a year ago..
I thought I fell in love, found out he was full of shyt and left him. I devoted a little over a year to this asshole and i get fucked over. I mean to be fair i fucked him over too. Im about to marry his best friend. and he cant accept the fact that I love Tim and I despise his sorry ass. so he thought he'd be clever and get with my fiancee's ex and start a Hailey hating army. but heres the thing IDGAF about anything they say i know whats true and what isn't and thats all that matters. I really have changed so muych. Im a stronger person because of all of this. Ive been homeless, raped, and he got every penny i had, but none of that is ever going to get me down bc i have a bright new future. I have a great guy and almost everything i could ever ask for. (except a car xD) I'm determined to live my life and just try and put the memories of Shane Newman in the far darkest corner of my mind and hope they never resurface. I know i will never forget him but I dont ever have to think about him again. On to the future. It's looking bright and I couldnt be happier. I love Tim with all my heart, and if he breaks it well it's just going to have to stay broken. He will always be the possesor of my heart, so if Lord forbid he ever does leave me I can't give my heart to another bc I won't have it. I really hope he doesnt break it. I dont know what i would do with out him. I hope i never have to find out. This bloggers is my life, if anyone chooses to read this (i doubt it) you'll know just how happy i am. I only wish the whole world could see it and know. well bloggers until next time.

~~Lots of Love
-Hailey <3